But one thing did come from my fear and a bit too much focus on DEATH, over all those years... by the time I was married with a small child in the early 1970's, I found sort of accidentally that I could SEE where and how those people who had just died were.... I mean, when my husband's brother died of aids, I "visualized" him "over there".... it was just like either knowing or seeing a picture...nothing more than that, but I just knew and believed what I was seeing/feeling was true. NOTHING  like "Medium" or John Edward... just a little 'knowing'. I "saw" my brother in law curled up in the fetal position, in his underwear, WAY BEFORE I learned that this was the way he was found when he sadly committed suicide... (This happened way back in the days of NO hope when you got aids...)

GIFTS OF SMELLS FROM OUR LOVED ONES....and my first husband becoming an Angel to watch over our son...

Later when my husband's Grandmother (the one who raised him- the one I mentioned up above and said remember that!?) passed....and he was laying next to me in bed late one night...when our bedroom (at the opposite end of the house from our kitchen, plus I do NOT cook/bake- well at least not well at all!!) FILLED UP WITH THE SMELL OF BAKING COOKIES!!! WE BOTH SMELLED IT AND REACTED AT THE SAME TIME.... Poor Bill, being of such strict conventional Christianity rather freaked out, while I was filled with joy, saying IT'S HER!! SHE CAME TO SAY GOODBYE TO YOU!!! THIS IS WONDERFUL!!!  The smell faded and he just could not accept it....but I was thrilled at the REALITY of this phenomena that I know odors are one of the basic ways of how our loved ones contact us.... In fact when Bill himself got sick and died (many years later after we had sadly divorced and had been apart a long long time).... and my son called me to tell me late one night.... I sat right down in my quiet empty house (my current husband was not home at the time) and I just said over and over and over: BILL I TOLD YOU SO, I TOLD YOU SO ....THAT YOU WOULD STILL BE YOU... I TOLD YOU SO!!! I was like a grinning fool.... (I shed my tears too, but almost more for myself than him) because by this time my own very STRONG belief that we go on after death, I could not morn or grieve for someone who had come to the end of his rope in this physical life (that is another story, not mine)....that he was in a better place....and HIS health problems were gone and best of all he found he could be my son's Guardian Angel.... (now that is also another story!!- of the many times we just KNEW my son and his family was saved by both my son's intuition and his Father's help!).... Another thrilling contact "from the other side" from my first husband, was MY SON AND HIS WIFE, INDEPENDENTLY SMELLED HIS DAD'S PIPE TOBACCO OUTDOORS TWICE....and also FELT Bill's BIG SMILE of his big gently loving self....and other "signs".... So there it was again, COMMUNICATION with those PASSED OVER.... !  Each time I rejoice in my experiences as it is a constant reminder that there IS LIFE AFTER LIFE and we do go on... and THEREFORE THERE IS A REASON FOR LIVING!  I could not continue on with this life if I did not feel strongly that there is a REASON FOR OUR LIVES... Life can be so hard much of the time...

THIS IS VERY LONG, I BETTER START DATING ADDITIONS... IT'S FEB 4TH, 2008 TODAY.

THE POWER OF YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS MIND...THAT DOOR TO YOUR SOUL....

For a few years, I shared some small telepathy experiments with my best friend - she was a Catholic - very active in the church, but as we explored the world of telepathy we got pretty good at sending messages... like thinking (picturing her face" before I was going to call her on the phone ".....I am going to call you"... using her name)...and then we could verify that we "heard" each other. It was during these years, I had my horses, and she and her kids would come down and have "pony rides" that she was very aware of a subtle ingrained sadness in me....

After trying to get me to come to a class given by a local (Christian religious based) hospital of great reputation (and I refused to go) she went without me, and then raved about it....and begged me again and again, to come - that she would take the class again, if I would sign up. (it was free). I gave in and was really shocked that a Christian based organization would sponsor a class on THE POWER OF YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS MIND... I can't remember what the name of the class was exactly, it was based on the book. It was, in fact THIS CLASS that changed my life drastically - putting me firmly on my metaphysical path!!.... Parts of the book I rejected but some parts have stuck with me for the rest of my life and are an integral part of my meditation and connection to my Higher Self... the basic (and first part) of this book talked about how our subconscious mind works, giving a great visualization of "the little man with the filing cabinets" in our subconscious mind.... and an experiment to try...

If you had lost your car keys or some such thing, sit quietly and quiet your mind...and picture all the things your mind holds being in many many file cabinets in the back of your mind...and that when you ask yourself "Where are my car keys"....a little man has to come to the window (between your sub and conscious mind parts) and get the request from you... so after you ask him THINK OF SOMETHING ELSE...go do something else....because if you keep thinking of "where are my car keys" - the little man would have to keep running back to the window to see what you want, again, and never get back to look in the files!! After many experiments I could see that this was very real and help me establish a link to my subconscious mind... where every single thing we have ever experienced in our lives is there, recorded, permanently....

The main point of the class was to learn to RELAX and be HAPPY, - so a lot of the class was on HOW TO RELAX your body AND YOUR MIND.... so sitting quietly and when a train would go by the teacher would say "let the sound come in and go out, not focusing on it, or trying to block it out", just relax each part of your mind from your toes to the top of your head AND THEN to go down stairs in your mind's eye, to go deeper into a waking state of total relaxation, aware of your surroundings but in this state, very much connected to your subconscious mind - where all the bad habits reside, that keep one stuck in a tense unhappy state for whatever reason... BUT IN THIS STATE one can give SELF SUGGESTIONS of "I AM RELAXED AND HAPPY" or "I AM LIVING IN THE PRESENT" and so on...that suggestions given in this state go into your subconscious mind to become reality (if done often enough)....into the file cabinets and start to overwrite the negatives...

Because I am so much better working WITH others, I went and got this book and devoured it... and then took the class AGAIN, my friend even again with me... I was still so amazed that this class, based on this book was given by a Christian organization, yet the book touched on past lives and metaphysics! I began to do the little chant and visualization I learned in that book.... to stand in a quite room and with palms upward and eyes closed visualize a "white light" coming down from my Higher Self (soul) into and around my whole body...and being the creative person that I am, I could really SEE IT, and I could BELIEVE it to be real and from and of my Higher Self... and then as I would take a deep slow breath in, I would say "I bring white light into my body, asking (hold breath) for STRENGTH, PROTECTION AND GUIDANCE" and then breath slowly out. Do this three times...I did this on utter faith and willingness to TRY IT OUT AN TEST IT OUT.... After about a week I could feel a tingling all over and felt more connected to my inner HIGHER self... and could talk to myself or ask questions of my SELF.... The book also STRESSED to THANK YOUR HIGHER SELF for the protection, guidance and strength.... which I began to practice also, as I would think about it during the day... Thank You Higher Self for your help.... that acknowledgment helps make it all A REALITY in one's life.

THIS WHITE LIGHT STUFF....

I began to use the visualization of white light for both my meditation and protection... surrounding my body, my car... my family members, my horses... and that is when I introduced the book to my dear friend at the time, who had her horses boarded at the same places as I....and she was very open to things spiritual... and had a spiritual-mind connection with her young Arabian stallion... THINKING TO HIM when to walk, trot and gallop or stop, around her as she lunged him on a long line...and I watched as he ALWAYS got her silent instructions. It was beautiful and thrilling to see! She and I decided at the time to really test THIS WHITE LIGHT PROTECTION STUFF....

Wild baby chicks were hatched each year to the wild hens running around the horse boarding area... and each year the big wild tom cats would pick them off... so she and I would promise to go home each night and before sleep visualize the hens and chicks being surrounded by white light of protection...and each day we would come back to the horse area AND SEE THE LITTLE TINY CHICKS safely running around with their mothers! One day, she and I were in a distracted mood and we both did not do "our white light thing" that night, and the next day, one or two chicks were gone (of course we counted all the time, and knew each brood well). We felt terrible, and started the protection up again, and AGAIN even with the tom cats all around, the chicks were safe and alive... We did this two spring times running, and several broods of chicks, and sometimes we lost them, when life distracted us, but NEVER did we loose a chick when we did the protection meditation...and it was with great pride that we saw whole families of baby chicks grow up to full size (when they were too big for the tom cats to take)! And yes, there were a bit too many chickens but the family that lived there would gather the eggs to help with living expenses.

We began to use White Light this way on many things... knowing all we had to do (as the book always said) was BELIEVE.... that was/is the KEY to using this positive energy .... the book explained it is why when people go to a "healer" of all sorts, voodoo, or otherwise, were cured, it was not the person doing the "cure", it was the BELIEF of the recipient. The book gave a few very good examples, one about a piece of the wooden cross from when Jesus was killed.... Get the book- read it!!

I had many situations from this beginning that caused my entire spiritual growth to take off by leaps and bounds, cementing in what become a part of me for the rest of my life. Too many to recount, but for example... one day when my friend and I decided to breed my Arab mare and her stallion that we COULD and did visualize and manifest a FEMALE baby... as one reason I got my beautiful purebred Arabian mare "cheap" was she always bore colts... so we went to work on this before the mating.... and there SHE was... a gorgeous baby filly...and in fact, my mare NEVER had a colt again, all the times she was bread again... I think it was 3 or 4 more fillies in a row....and when the man who sold her to me found out he was really mad!! *Grin*.

I often used white light to protect myself and my horses, especially when I was riding my mare and leading my rambunctious filly beside (a dangerous thing, needing much concentration and caution!) outside the coral... One day my filly ran around and around us and got me and the rope to her halter all tangled up...and I was so scared! It was on the road with the "wash" (a stream bed) was to one side, - so the road was narrow with a drop off). I put white light around us and said HELP!! to my Higher Self... Immediately I heard words in my mind telling me exactly what to do... which I did without question, and remedied the situation. I glowed in the glory of this reality of spiritual connection! At the time I believed it was "one of my guides" but later in life I realized it was ME, and the man with my filing cabinets- had gone farther back, to a past life where I knew how to handle horses... but that is getting ahead of my story... At this time in my life, I only could handle the idea of "guides" and not past lives...

Another day, I was walking my dear filly up a steep driveway to take her for a walk, and I was in a foul dark mood... and did not use my white light, and was NOT in the right frame of mind at all... and she stepped on a huge nail... it went deep into her tiny hoof... the vet was called immediately and said it was very very serious - that it could get infected and could actually kill her the way it happened. I of course felt so terrible and meditated constantly and put white light in and around her little hoof... and it healed up faster and totally fine, surprising the vet! I never ever let my little girl down agian, by the way! ....And once again, I had PROOF.... that this WHITE LIGHT STUFF WORKS!

I have used it ever since... for everything from getting a parking place close up to the entrance of the Zoo (no not a silly thing to do when unknown to me, my FM was coming on and walking all around the Zoo for the day was so hard on me...so walking from way out in the parking lot that was always very full AND the whole zoo was nearly impossible for me)... to finding the right doctors, putting white light around plane flights of my loved ones... (my then husband said he never had such smooth flights in a notoriously bad area between Colorado and here in California - THREE TIMES as I remember, so that was great proof against the "odds" or trying to call it a coincidence! (there is no such thing as a coincidence!!) and on and on... too many examples to name... and all because I BELIEVED TOTALLY and with my WHOLE HEART AND BEING that it would BE...and it always WAS... I think any spiritual speaker will tell you this same truth.. the key is BELIEVING it, period.

My Higher Self's White Light has never ever let me down. It does not mean that difficult or bad things won't happen to a person, but it sure cuts way down on bad things, and makes some bad things easier to deal with!! I remember my Mother saying "well, honey what happens if you get in an accident when you have put white light around your car?".... I tried so hard to get that negative statement out of my head...but sure enough I had an accident... and after that I really got the negative stuff out of my head!! In all the years after things would happen to me that showed that my constant protection was in place...like EVERY TIME my car battery dies of old age, it's in my own garage.... things like that, again too numerous to mention! How could I NOT rely and use this wonderful resource from the unlimited energy that is my very soul? It all started with a little short class on how to relax and give your subconscious mind positive suggestions and how to meditate... and those little tiny fluffy yellow chicks.... One last thing, but soooo important... BE SPECIFIC on what you are asking for, protecting... I got rear-ended twice when I was in a bad frame of mind, and after that I realized that I needed to be specific about surrounding my car, NEVER to be rear-ended or hit in any way again... and then to be OPEN TO MY INTUITION so that when I get guidance either consciously or sub-consciously that I take this road and not that.....or do this and not that etc.... I have no way of knowing how many bad things could have happened to me, I only know I CANNOT (with my health) ever allow a car accident to happen to me again, PERIOD- so this has become a part of me, of my very being and belief system.... and that is how it works....and it does take WORK AND VIGILANCE... and has to be a way of life. That is why I am writing my story now... I have lost my way, becoming too lazy at the very least and too negative as I face a life style totally foreign to me, and therefore scary.... I need to go back totally to my "roots" and re-learn, remember and PRACTICE my SELF CARE....

It was after a few years with my horses and my lessons of white light, that I met my next teacher and reincarnation was introduced to me, again with my own proof.... but that is for my next writing, so stay tuned..