Copyright Lyne's Creations August 2012, All Rights Reserved
You may NOT take copies of these poems for any reason.
I constantly work on the existing poems, and add new ones
anywhere they seem to fit in the flow of my journey....
FYI: The best three FREE websites to help with writing poetry are:
RhymeBrain Thesaurus and How Many Syllables
I use these sites constantly, and the Thesaurus site is the MOST comprehensive one I have every seen!!
In the Fall of 2012, as my heartbreak became overwhelming, and my emotions "hit bottom",
it seemed to cause the door to my "right brain" to be thrown open - wider than ever before.
My muse had always "just" done art work, but now poetry comes singing/screaming
from my feelings .... much to my shock and amazement...and creeping in, is a sense
of pride! I offer here my life story in poetry, if you care to journey with me.
Note: some of the poems have art to go with them, found in my section:
Dealing with Grief & other Self Realizations
The book I reference at the bottom of the page, is helping me revisit my poetry/feelings
with a new understanding of myself. This experience has hit me SO hard, because all my
life, I kept myself very protected, kept people at arm's length...until HIM....I let him in, and
I let happiness in...I trusted with all my heart for the first time, since I was 1-2 years old.
His giving up our love opened up a lifelong floodgate of abandonment wounds, I have
carried since I was three years old.
(the reason I slammed the door shut to my poetry
writing, early in my life....)
My Mother warned me, sweetheart dear...
What? What? I pleaded full of fear.
The men in white coats will soon be here!
But why? I squeaked in a tiny frenzied voice.
They'll take you away, she replied, you have no choice!
You see, my daughter, it's a dangerous sign,
When your mind continues to speak only in rhyme!
It is an ominous indication that your sanity is gone
It has no connection, you do not belong!
It shows you are crazy, my dear, you'll see,
They'll lock you up, and throw away the key!
So never more did I make a choice,
to give my thoughts a creative voice.
I lived in fear of my own mind,
Afraid to consider what I would find.
~ ~ ~
Late in life, as heartbreak takes me,
My poetry muse speaks so insistently.
Deep in the night I often wake to find,
I must pour out my pain, again in rhyme.
I am nearly helpless in it's wake,
I cannot slumber until I take,
a pen and paper to jot down,
every single word my heart has found.
(I do admit I have a type of dyslexia that, under stress, inverts the meanings of things
I hear said to me...but I do remember, all these years later, being afraid of how
much my mind spoke in rhyme when I was young. My Mother said something
to the young me, that I took in as a sign of insanity. Children hear and see life
in Black & White, All or Nothing. They do not have the experience to see shades
of gray. So many things end up being fears and wounds carried forward in life.
The other reality is that my Mother took a few jr. college night courses in
psychology and then thought she "knew best".... !? She also took me to see
her teacher for private counseling sessions...a fearful man who sat and just
stared at me and never talked "with me"! )
(For More of the Very First Poems I Wrote, SCROLL DOWN)
Quick Index of additional pages:
Games of Life
Being Special despite Heartache
Anger at Men Poems
My Cat, Art, Life and
My Early Childhood
A "Mommy Dearest" poem
Self Help and a bit of Anger
Reality Week in San Diego
Scraps of Poems
California Chrome (race horse) Dreams
A Dream of a Dad I never Had
Learning to stop self-judging
Many poems- A Real "mish-mosh"
fear of doctors, Recurring
Numerology and more!
Depression & 1 Tiny Sparkle
Mother's Day Poems,
Small Owl with a Scowl
A Pet Spider, Goth Poem
(I'm sorry, having a rough time)
My Mom turned 93, Nice Dreams
Wishing on Rainbows & Grumbling
But more "lighter/brighter" poems
Heavy emotions, difficult scary events, tiny glimmers of light
"The Reality of Me"
(actually the first stage in Abandonment Grief)
I think I am beginning to understand,
He did not love me as I loved him.
The committed love I held in my heart,
Was not in his, he was in the dark.
My love so deeply true and bold,
But love for him, he could not hold.
While mine was forever told,
His love had died long ago.
I lay here like dying, utterly stunned,
Feeling the victim of a hit and run.
The trust I found so hard to give,
Was crushed completely, I cannot live.
Why did you commit a crime so brutal,
When you knew my heart was so fragile?
You played me like a useless tune,
Then turned away, left me in utter ruin.
There are no rhymes left to express,
The pain I feel, how far I regress,
into my fear, and mistrust so deep.
I cannot recover, I can only weep.
I think I am beginning to understand,
What I thought was love, was just a man.
(I only thought I understood, but I was seeing my loss through a
victim's eyes, feeling devastated, confused, and angry all at once.
I really felt - and maybe still feel at times - that I will never recover.)
(the second stage of Abandonment Grief is Withdrawal)
I set my anger shield aside,
Now with pain, I do abide.
My dreams show my emotions real,
I wake, I cry for how I truly feel.
I long for the love that I was shown,
But it is gone, it turned to stone.
So I crawl into my cave, I am alone,
Safe with my art, my cat, my home.
I cannot help how I sincerely feel,
These are my emotions, they are real.
I dream, I wake, again I cry.
I cannot believe how time goes by.
Thoughts come unbidden into my every day life,
Sweet memories now cut so deep - like a knife!
The loss of HIS love leaves me so utterly alone,
Longing for THE sweetest friend I have ever known.
We had our individual lives, PLUS a connection so pure,
That I thought through ANY storm, we would endure.
We actually DID "have it all" in a way we hadn't expected,
But he could not see that, he turned away, he rejected.
Now I am lost, turning this way and that,
Trying to find my balance, feeling utterly flat.
I want to go back, I want to go forward, I am stuck in the middle,
I feel that life without his love is an unsolvable riddle.
I met a man who was just like me,
He was a mirror so I could see,
All my facets, who I was,
We fell in step, we fell in love.
But when I hit fears out of my past,
I closed my heart, I pulled back fast.
Gently he would coax me out,
I learned what trust was all about.
We laughed, we loved,
we soared on high.
We truly did, we reached the sky!
Until one day he closed the door,
He turned away, he spoke no more.
I fell back in shock, my head did reel,
OH Lord, is this how it does feel?!
When I had run away in fear,
Unable to face the problem clear?
Right there and then,
I promised: never again!
I vowed not to run and hide,
I resolved to face my fears inside.
I pledged to bring my dread into the light,
and with his help, it would be alright.
We work well together, he did beam,
Hand in hand we are a real team!
It seemed to me a happy dream!
Then once again, I did find,
He shut his feelings, closed his mind.
I felt so abandoned, so alone,
Our partnership, it seemed to have flown,
Right out of the window of our home!
He said to me, Please understand,
This is simply the way I am.
I thought, Oh God, no, not again!
Left alone, I felt more abandoned.
Down through years my memories,
Return repeatedly, like PTSD.
But this time, I go into my pain,
Give it a voice, Give it a name!
I hear you Little inner Child of mine,
You've been so brave, true and kind.
While others treated you very badly,
You survived, even thrived, albeit sadly.
I have the teachings that we seek,
You and I will take a peek,
Together we shall venture forth,
hand in hand, we'll head true north.
We now have our own new goal,
To look deep within our very soul,
We'll grow us up, we'll make us whole!
Therapy Tips & Thoughts
STAY IN THE PRESENT MOMENT
Dialog with your inner child and/or the emotions welling up, find out what
your inner child needs...what are the emotions saying? Acknowledge your feelings!
*I cannot more Highly Recommend the book*
The Journey from Abandonment to Healing: Turn the End of a Relationship into the Beginning of a New Life by Susan Anderson.
It's not "just" for loss of relationships...there is huge value in reading it for any crisis that brings on Abandonment PTSD!
NOTE: The only way to reach me is via "IM's" the on line Graphics Art Community