I am so utterly disillusioned and confused about love... I really thought we DID have what the Greeks state
so much better in their language:
Agape: God's depth of selfless, unconditional love that we too can have for one another.
as well as:
Eros: Passionate, romantic love. It can be very deep, but it is still based on feelings and emotional connection for the most part.
and as a matter of fact, no wonder I am so lost... as I NEVER HAD REAL LOVE IN ANY FORM,
especially from the beginning when one should have had:
Storge: Parental or family devotion.
I am blessed with the fourth kind, from friends, especially two very close friends in this life:
Philia: Friendship affection.
(thanks to one of those dear friends who enlightened me on how much better the
Greek language can express and explain love!)
I just don't believe in true love or "magic" anymore...as I thought I recognized it, lived it...
but it fell seriously short... ALL I know right now is I am utterly sad....because I did experience two years
of Eros with a huge dose of Agape, so I now know what I was missing! This is almost worse.... the old saying
"ignorance is bliss" is TRUE ! I do NOT have bliss now. I MIGHT recognize "love" if I ever encounter
it again, but I fear I am not inclined to TRUST it .... I have also learned that married love needs a
"main ingredient" of COMMITMENT to get a couple over the rough times when Eros wanes....
but how does one know if that is there, or if it is real...no guarantees in life... Having an intimate relationship
takes a tremendous amount physical and emotional energy and has affected my particular health problems
in a very serious way. I am moving forward, I can see progress each week, but I am also retreating in some areas
.....who knows where my journey will take me.
NEXT IN MY GRIEF SERIES