Dealing with Grief & other Self Realizations
Anger & Pain Personified
The enormous power of my anger and pain (lightening and
blooded spear) of my grief dominates at the moment....
yes there is the tiniest dove far away, (that I had closer to the lightening and
moved back a bit- I felt protective of that fragile,
yet Higher part of me - hence therapy as I DO art!!)
I feel utter raw, ravaging anger... but UNDER that anger is intense pain and
fear! While I feel out of control in
this new experience in my life, all I need to do is acknowledge my FEELINGS and
allow that at any given moment I CAN say
"I will NEVER do this again" - but knowing that is simply how I feel in that
moment!
I learned I am an "extravert" and I feel lost without my "buddy", my partner, in
ways that an "introvert" does not feel.
(more than the dictionary, an "extravert" is someone who re-fuels and/or is
motivated/inspired by others outside themselves,
while an "introvert" is someone who re-fuels and/or is motivated/inspired from
within themselves.) Neither is bad!!!
I have always felt "wrong" for feeling this need of others around me. I judged
myself harshly for being unable to
"fix myself, all by myself" - but now I understand that the support of friends
and therapist is VITAL for me to learn
and grow. I function better in the company of others. Their words and thoughts
inspire my own new original thoughts.
THIS is why it is exceptionally hard for me, to have not only lost my lover
but my BEST friend! *sigh*
It seems to me to be a better idea to have a partner who is also an extravert,
not one that withdraws into themselves to re-fuel,
but finds joy and inspiration from my company! NOT that I am looking!!!!!
Anyway at least I am learning about myself... that means I am still growing and
this horrific experience is
something I will truly GAIN from.
I also understand that it will take a LONG while to get over loosing a love that
I felt SO deeply.
Almost more difficult is how MUCH it affects my health! My FM & IBS are
directly affected by my emotional stress,
so it's been very very rough.
Next in my Broken Heart Expressions