Fear-A-Holic
Copyright Lyne's Creations April 2008 All Rights Reserved
"Hi, My name is Lyne, and I am a Fear-a-holic!"
It's just as insidious as being an alcoholic, in my own humble opinion. The first step is to admit to oneself and to others... to come out of denial. Admitting a problem to oneself in front of others is a very very powerful tool for change.
When I was 7 I was told I was going to die of leukemia (and not told clearly enough later, it was just really bad anemia!) I was taken out of school for a year, told if I caught a cold or flu I would die then! This, and having every childhood illness one could, and the life long "it's all in your head" pain and terror of the (unknown then) IBS and FM - created this "natural constant state of fear". This has been my norm. I have made many major life decisions out of this state of mind, which is not a good thing to do.
Now I have arrived at this point of my new life situation where I must face myself. I have no one else to cling to, to blame. I hit bottom and I almost gave it all up, during this quiet winter, with all legalities settled, snug in my pretty little home, financially stable... but alone... with my health situations that have some days of overwhelming PAIN....and I become more terrified....when actually I am safe, my needs are met one way or another, my spiritual side is growing out of necessity (good!)...
Finally after a very dark week - clarity! I admit I have a problem, in front of the world. I have all the tools I gathered from therapy throughout my life, to teach myself how to relax and just be happy. How to live in the moment, and JUST SAY NO to the base-less fears, that have become an automatic way of life. I know this is my life lesson, and in my twilight years I have one more chance to really grow...
So once again, I use my art for therapy and take the scary risk of being public about who/how I am. I have two more images that will express this series, which I also hope will push me into DOING ART more, and more for the sheer joy of it too. (I was taught that if one did not earn money with art, art is worthless.)