My doctor told me I was a "case of one".... I have to - each each hour of the day - decide

(skip this long paragraph if you already read or know my story)

Does my FM hurt (it's like my whole body becomes a bruise!) or are my "FM muscles" cramping up to the point of feeling like broken ribs? (in which case I take the muscle relaxant that sets off my FM and sometimes the IBS) Is my perpetual "change of life" hot flashes in a particularly bad cycle? (I have a feeling FM is the cause of that too?) Are my lungs more congested today than "normal" requiring the nebulizer breathing machine (that sets off my FM, because asthma medication is a stimulant - I don't have asthma, I have over sensitive lungs caused by having had every illness there is/was as a child, and pneumonia too many times). Is it time to go to sleep and I have insomnia that requires medication (knowing FM can "reverse the effect of medications") that might keep me awake? Is my IBS out of control and requires medication (that I have to take on an empty stomach or it won't work, or take a higher dose because I just ate) to stop the beyond painful cramps and bathroom time? And that is leaving out the frozen shoulders, and allergies to everything now....

I started out saying, reassuring myself, and my family and friends that "it's not life threatening, it's just miserable".... but as I age and my limited diet take a toll, I realize that it IS life threatening (due to some recent symptoms) if I do not take meticulous care of my body...and that is exhausting work! I keep a chart of what is going on and what and when I take any medications, because my FM brain won't remember....

I HATE thinking of myself, and what my body is doing... and deciding if my pain level can be tolerated or I do need meds? My doctor gave me two of the oldest, most tried and true meds with the least side effects, and still I struggle with my ever changing reaction to them, and to everything.... and then comes the FM depression.... I was not as depressed when I had my commercial art, and a purpose in life... but my body took that away.... and my Mother ground into me from childhood that art that does not pay is worthless....so I struggle to allow myself to do "art for fun"... it's not easy to think of art when I am in a lot of pain....

People with multiple syndromes (and they very OFTEN come that way) need special care and sympathy..... I know that so maybe that is what I need to give to myself? There are, in fact, a LOT of people out there, who ARE "cases of one"..... doctors just don't really want to deal with us, and I can't blame them...I don't want to deal with me! (but here I am TRYING to deal, through my art - as this side of me, the creative side keeps pushing me along!)

BACK TO MAIN GALLERY PAGE